My Resurrection Day in Chile (Semana de Santo)

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My Resurrection Day in Chile

Luke 24:5 King James Version (KJV)  And as they were afraid, and bowed down their faces to the earth, they said unto them, Why seek ye the living among the dead?

 My First Easter Sunday in Chile

In light of Resurrection Sunday on yesterday, and today feeling particularly reflective about life, my academic/career plans, and my relationship to Jesus of Nazareth. I thought about his messages offered to the world. Holidays have always been special times spent with my family, but since entering my Ph.D. program at the University of Georgia and now conducting my dissertation research in Chile, South American, I have learned to adjust to not being able to eat the wonderful family meals prepared by my mother or one of my sisters during holidays. I also miss out on the family fellowship times which can easily turn quite competitive if someone breaks out the games and we all form our teams looking to become the Scrabble, Monopoly, or Trivial Pursuit champions.

However, these memories did not lead to an existential crisis, on the contrary they led to more of an existential epiphany. Why does a person need to feel ostracized if they hold values and beliefs that are not common to me or visa versa? More specifically, when I study the life of Jesus, it is rarely depicted like you see in commercially produced movies or picture cards commonly seen during religious holidays. Jesus was very strong in his objections to religious leadership that held the less powerful to standards that they themselves did not regularly achieve. Yet at the same time Jesus produced a message that was both compassionate and full of expectation that called people to strive to a more excellent way. The call did not seem to be based upon some rules or commandments, but more due to his wanting people to aspire to their highest forms of self. Jesus’s teachings suggest to me that these lofty goals of self-awareness are not easily attainable in disassociation to The Creator.

We live in a physically comprehensible world, but our awareness of “reality” is incomplete if we limit ourselves to those things we can understand with our physical senses. Things that are explained through the principles of physical/natural science phenomenon are not enough for me cognitively or intellectually. For example, what is the substance that makes living creatures by nature want to survive… and conversely, what element of the self is lost among those people and things that no longer want to survive and exist to the point that death becomes a welcomed relief. I have come to the conclusion that it is our spirit, in the case of human beings, made alive unto God the Creator in a way that is not fully or easily comprehensible. The proposed inexplicably, in my view, is in large part because we are “so fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14) therefore, the five known human senses become insufficient as a means to describe spiritual connections. Also, the fact that God is a Spirit and the aspect of everyone that is like God is made of spirit being, there has not to date been any scientific physical instrumentality that can capture the individual “you” in its entirety. Ahhhhhhh, there it is, complexity has just entered the room (smile and a wink). Jesus is my role model for teaching. I admire how when dealing with adult learners he used a variety of modalities to “meet people” at the level in which they could comprehend his messages. He used parables and allegories to help the most simple to the most erudite listeners understand his teaching.

Children and the less powerful preceded Jesus on a fateful Passover day (that many celebrate as Easter) with songs of praise and hopefulness; while respected scholars and theologians were so captivated by his wisdom and understanding of scripture many secretly counted themselves among his disciples but kept it hidden for fear of being ostracized by those who were the more politically connected and religiously powerful during that time period.

Fast forward to 2014, I find myself at an academic/career crossroad. I have been doing some research for my committee chair (I am also her graduate research assistant) about what will the 21st Century New Knowledge academic and/or scholarly practitioner resemble in comparison to pre-millennium professors and practitioners. I first surprisingly discovered that I fall into the category of Generation X, with a confidence interval of ± 2. he he  I have also learned that there doesn’t appear to be the mass exodus of aging faculty leaving the academy as miscalculated; poor economic times has led to many a professor to work longer versus entering into retirement. So currently, we are producing from our universities a dearth of bright-eyed new doctoral graduates with no place to go per se.

I personally am finding the “publish or perish” paradigm quite unsettling. Not because I have reservations about publishing or writing, it is because I want to publish and write things that I feel are important to improving and changing lives, systems, and societies. I don’t want to be so obsessed with impact factors and finding “the right” journals that my research and scholarly contributions will only be relevant to a small circle of scholars looking to compete with their colleagues in introducing the next big theory or framework. I don’t want to lose folks who I thought were friends because they might be jealous of my seeming success during their time of struggle. Nevertheless, the conflict for me is that I love teaching and engaging with students and communities. I love academic research as I am also a scientist by nature, holding degrees in biology (specializing in microbiology) with a minor in chemistry, plus a MPA. My adviser mentioned to me an emerging field of “Social Entrepreneurs”. I need to do more investigation into this area as I think it might be something I will find rewarding. I told my committee member Dr. Watkins that I am not sure if I want to be an Academic and she vehemently told me that she very much thinks that academia was the right career path for me. That made me smile really big on the inside knowing someone I admired and respected so much in academia viewed me as a future scholar with much to offer.

This is probably one of my longest blog posts, which is cool because it’s been a minute since my last post, and this issue is weighing heavily on my heart and mind in my final year of doctoral candidacy. Now, if I could simply find a career (not necessarily in this particular order) post dissertation completion that allows me to: 1) show the love and compassion of Jesus yet have the right to hold my own values and convictions, 2) exercise my love for teaching, research, and civic engagement while getting paid to do so, 3) be able to make a contribution to the field through my publishing and research, 4) make sure I have a personal life with time for my family and friends, 5) have my own business where I can focus on social issues and ministry needs that are directed toward those with less power and opportunity in life and finally, have the time to go to my Zumba and Body Pump classes every week; then I would be most figuratively in Heaven on Earth!  🙂

Lord Thank you for my Family, Especially my Brothers

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Lord Thank you for my Family, Especially my Brothers

Big Brother Jimmy and Little Brother Darrin

In all of the hustle and bustle of my busy days here in Chile, rarely a day goes by that I don’t thank God for my family and the life my parents provided for us as children.  Few experiences are more precious than the love of your brothers growing up.  The confidence, protection, and sometimes (terror) that siblings bring into our space, can leave an indelible impression that can follow you for the rest of your life.  The love, care, and protection that I received under the umbrella of my brothers’ self-appointed guardianships over me and my sisters, has contributed to my being able to be in Chile today.  In reflection, from the time they showed us how to physically fight, to their being vulnerable, even crying in front of us girls my brothers are very special.  Their maturity and love over the years has only grown and has contributed to their being loving and excellent fathers to their own children today.  Sure, they weren’t perfect and made mistakes like the rest of us.  But, I think they have no idea how proud we all are of them at times and I am using this reflective moment to share that point with them and the world.  I love you Jimmy and Darrin, you guys are the best kind of awesomeness brothers. ❤  ¡Los quiero mucho!

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I will never forget the time when I was in the elementary school walking home with my little sister.  Another young boy in my grade had taken a fancy to me and caused a small circle to form around us near the playground because he wanted me to give him a kiss.  I was in total fear and shock because at that point I had never kissed any boy and I most certainly didn’t want that exchange to be with him (not my crush).  Out of fear my little sister ran home to get my mom and left me alone with this brute and the circle of chanting classmates.  Then all of a sudden this fiery little kindergartener (my little brother Darrin) appeared out of no where and assailed the would be “Romeo” with punches, telling him he’d better leave his sister alone.

I was rescued!!  🙂 I constantly recount that story at family gathering as it always makes everyone laugh.  But, that is simply how our brothers were with their sisters.  They protected us and on more then a few occasion caused us girls to be in neighborhood fights with them as they tended not to back down to anyone.  The picture above shows my Big Brother Jimmy wearing boxing gloves he had received for Christmas.  Those are the same boxing gloves he used when I asked him to show me how to fight.  We were bouncing on the bed like Muhammad Ali until the first punch my brother laid to my arm caused me to drop.  At first, I wanted to stop and cry because I felt he had punched me took hard.  He laughed informing me that was a soft punch and continued the lesson.

By the time I reached middle school I had only one incident of bullying.  I am sure the girl who was harassing me had no idea I had gone to the James A. Brown Jr. Boxing Camp during the summers and I gave her a beat-down she would not soon forget.  That actually was the last physical altercation I ever had in school following that incident.  I now had a “rep” as a youngster and only needed to fight if someone was bothering my sibling.  It seemed that when we were younger girls others thought my sisters and I were “soft” because we were by most standards cut girls.  But, the neighborhood soon learned that you don’t mess with the Browns because we would battle in groups.  My parents always told us that we were to stick together even if our sibling was wrong and they (my parents) would sort it out the mess after we got home.  Therefore, we would always present a united family front whenever we were in public and still do so today.  Those are valuable lessons we pass on to our own children and I think it has worked out well.  None of our kids had to deal with any extended incidents of bullying as either a cousin, parent, or grandparent, would be at the school in a heartbeat to “resolve” the issue. lol

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As you can imagine, my brothers could be very intimidating to would be suitors of our affections.   Even for my sisters who are now wives, my brothers made it clear to their brothers-in-law… “I’ve got my eyes on you bruh!”

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Nevertheless, you cannot find a more loving pair of brothers.  I always asked them how they could seems so tough but be like putty in our hands if we were feeling down or vulnerable.  To which they would always respond, “I love my sisters and would die protecting them!”  So that’s the kind of legacy I have that has made me unafraid to try new things and go to new places.  Of course, I exercise wisdom and don’t go places that are dangerous or where I could be harmed.  But, I always felth that my Daddy and Brothers had my back.  My brothers are always  so proud of us and brag all the time  to their friends about their beautiful, classy, accomplished, and intelligent sisters.  That always makes me smile inside.  I so wish all of my family could be here with me in Chile, experiencing this wonderful opportunity to see the world and life as a Black person living in a cultural context that isn’t the United States.

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Today I received my residency card and RUN number that allows me to conduct financial business in Chile.  I told my officemates “Ahora yo soy Chilean también“, and we all  laughed at my errant assertion.  However, I know that I am assimilating well here because Ricardo who is the office Director of University Planning and Development (and is sponsoring my workspace in his office) is one of the few persons that speaks fluent English here.  Today when we ran into each other at the coffee machine he spoke to me entirely in Spanish.  I then proceeded to tell Graciela the office manager that this now confirmation of my earlier assertion that I am Chilena.   She laughed and challenged my assertion by telling me I had to go up upstairs and tell Olga (another office mate) that we were not having exercise classes this evening.  To which I responded, ¿Es una prueba? (Is this a test?). lol

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Yesterday, I used my RUN number to secure discount points at the grocery store.  That was major for me on two levels.  The first being I always look for savings when I grocery shop and was very frustrated that before obtaining my residency card I wasn’t accumulating points.  The second is that I was able to do these activities all on my own and I wasn’t nervous anymore about conducting my affairs in Spanish.  But, I ain’t goin’ crazy with it.  I have to renew my student Visa in June and I will certainly have at least one of my Chilean homegirls with me to get all that competed successfully in Santiago.

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As I arrived to campus I noticed these flags (banderas) representing the Universidad Católica del Maule and the country of Chile blowing in the wind on campus.  They  looked so majestic and strong, standing tall in the midst of the strong wind’s  that crashed and assailed them.  This image also reminded me of the characteristics my brothers possess  and it also reminded me of how small the World is becoming.  Who would have thought during the time that I was being terrorized for a kiss in elementary school that I would be walking the streets of Chile, South America to a University who is hosting me as a Visiting Scholar.  Moreover, that I would be here in another country completing my doctoral dissertation research.  I’m not a person who believes in happy accidents and luck.  I believe in the favor that God shows to those interested in walking in their destiny, and holding to a higher purposes that reflects his love and intelligence in the world.  To realize that I am that little Black girl from Lake Street, in Akron, Ohio, now positioning myself to complete my Ph.D. in Adult Education so as to become a woman who can “change the world”… well, words are too limited in their ability to describe this feeling.